I am tired. Physically tired. But all I can think about is blogging. This whole day really put into my mind the need for blogification (the need to release inner thoughts by blogging.). It will most likely be negative, and thus, a warning is appropriate. If you are one of those people who feel that reading negative things brings you down, then just hit "next blog" at the top of the page and see where that takes you. If you are someone who finds humor in negativity, read on. I am giving you permission to laugh at my negativity. Negativity is my sense of humor.
To really set this up, we must travel back in time a few days. I think Tuesday would be a good place to start.....
In order to make up for not working last week, I decided to work 3 days instead of 2, Tues., Weds, Thurs. I take Jacob to the sitter, and I drive the hour or so drive to Lindsborg to try and inspire middle and high school students. As we started out the week, it was apparent first of all that Jacob had a runny nose and a little cough. These both progressed as the week went on, but still nothing to be too concerned about. I too started feeling more sick as the week progressed. By Thursday I wasn't even sure I wanted to go to work. I was feeling achy all over, hot and cold, hot and cold, sore throat, congestion, cough. And Jacob pretty much sounded like he was barking at this point. But no fevers. So I trudged on, thinking, quitters never win, and winners never quit. You know what I should have been thinking? Losers go to work when they are sick. Period. End of story.
So....Jacob had a "wellness check" on Friday morning, that I ended up being so thankful for. I could tell that day he felt much worse, because his eyes were tired, and he actually wanted to sit on my lap. That is how I know Jacob is really sick. If he just wants to sit, there is something wrong. He even fell asleep on my lap without me rocking him. Never happened before. Well, turns out he had an ear infection. Awesome. That would explain waking at night. I happened to ask the doc if he could look in my throat and tell me if I needed to get tested for strep throat, and he said yes. Double awesome. So I ended up with an appt for me as well, but the strep test came back negative. The nurse practitioner seemed confused. She was just sure it was going to come back positive. But oh well, have some penicillin anyways. So both Jacob and I, at the end of the day, ended up with some sort of "cillin" medicine.
This is what I want to know: why do Jacob and I have to be sick at the same time? It is really hard to take care of a sick kid when you are sick as well. In fact, I would say, you don't really "get" to be sick. Remember when you were a kid? And your mom let you lay on the couch drinking 7up and watching any movie you wanted? HA That is for the weak. There is no time off with a baby, or a kid, or kids. You are a workhorse built for nose-wiping, diaper-changing, consoling, lifting, feeding, cleaning, etc. etc. etc.
That brings me to today, the first full day of meds for both Jacob and I. If I didn't have my trusty list, I wouldn't have a clue whether I took penicillin at 4 in the morning, or my women's multivitamin. I also wouldn't know if I gave Jacob his ibuprofen or his bath. I am literally that tired. Oh it takes me back. Back to the days of having a newborn and getting no sleep. Something about interrupted sleep and your body being drained just puts you in a haze. Today was probably not as bad as it could have been, considering both Jacob and I feel like crud. But, I will say, it was horrible. And here is where the ugly truth comes in. Positivity seekers, skip this next part.
Jacob is a very difficult child. Pretty much if you know me at all, you know this to be true, because I am not shy in sharing the fact that I am constantly surprised with just how much work Jacob is. Constantly. I know that some of you may be reading this thinking, well what did she expect when she had a kid? Just don't. Stop right there, and get down from your high horse. Sure, I had expectations of what it would be like, but not unrealistic ones in my mind. I babysat plenty, was around kids a lot, and even took care of my younger brother and sister enough to have some pretty heavy experience with what children are capable of. That being said, I don't think I was jaded when I thought about having kids. But I was dead wrong when I thought about what it was going to be like to raise Jacob, what I was going to do or not do as a mother, and just how hard this whole parenting thing was going to be. And I think from the people I have polled this last part seems to be universally true. You don't know, until you know. Right?
Jacob, in a nutshell, is busy. Busy, busy, busy, busy, busy. The cutest little busiest body I have ever seen. And yes, I still have to remind myself to find the positive in his busy personality, because honestly, some days it is very tough. And I also realize, that he works me like a field during harvest. Sun up to sun down. He works me. He knows exactly where my breaking point is, and he takes it there, and much further. When others babysit him, they give him such nice compliments. "Oh, he was great. We didn't have any problems. He's so cute and sweet." And I think, "Really?.... Really?" This is reality. I must embrace it. I don't want to, but I must. So let's just say, that on a typical day Jacob exhausts me. He is everywhere, into everything, and could care less what I tell him. He takes short naps and wakes up early in the morning. He whines at the simplest of things, screams when he doesn't get his way, and is a daredevil to the max. Now, force all these characteristics on a day when he doesn't feel good, and momma doesn't feel good. Can we say disaster. If my dad wasn't here today, I might have literally had smoke coming out my ears.
Here's a good example of just one little incident that sums up how today went. I was sitting on the floor, trying to muster up the littlest bit of energy to play with Jacob. He handed me the Xbox controller. So, I pushed some buttons, rolled the joystick around a little, and handed it back to him. Woah. Wrong move. The planets shifted and all the sudden we were out of orbit. For what seemed like an eternity, Jacob thew his head back and screamed, rolled around on the carpet, shoved the controller at me several times, thew it at me a couple. All the while, I am thinking 2 things. 1 - Ignore his tantrum, 2-What does he want? Clearly I got it wrong the first time. And if I could just figure it out, maybe I could make the horribly high pitched scream stop. I finally figured out, after a very long time, that he wanted me to take the back off so he could practice putting the batteries in and out, and the back off and on. Should have known. However, he started to put a battery in his mouth, which ended his play time with those, which created a whole other ordeal. Thus the cycle continued. Sure we had moments of quiet. Brief, fleeting moments.
Now, positivity seekers: If you decided to stick with me this long, it's gonna pay off. This is where it gets good.
At the end of the day, after many cycles of meds and temperature checking, it was time for bed. The house was a disaster and my body was fried. But I knew if I could just muster up that last little bit of energy, I would have a break....at least for a little while. After a bath and the struggle to get pajamas on, it was finally time for books and bedtime. We read some books, and Jacob was calm. He pointed and talked some. He even smiled at me and touched my face a couple of times. And then it happened. The magic moment when you know why being a mom is just the best thing in the whole world. We finished reading, and I said, "Time for night night." Jacob turned towards me, and laid his head on my chest. Then he looked up and puckered his lips to give me a kiss. I kissed him, and he smiled. He laid his head back down, and all was right in the world. I rocked him and held him and thanked God for my precious baby. I rocked him and cried, because I needed to be reminded that Jacob is precious, and fragile, and sweet.
Then I walked out into the disaster that is my house, and my work started all over. As I was picking up, I thought, man I need to write about this. And so I did. And I shared it with you all.
