3 Months Post Onset

It has been 3 months since Jonny left.  Does it feel like that long?  No.  It feels like much longer, like I am living my life in slow motion, like everything I do requires an uphill surge.  And once I make it to the top of the hill, it's just one more day done, and sleep brings me back down to the bottom of the hill again.  I do know that at some point, I will look back over the hills I tackled, and think, "wow, that wasn't so bad."  Kind of like having a baby.  In the thick of it you say, "Never, never, never again will I possibly put myself through so much pain."  Then you have momma's lapse, and you say, "hmmmm, that wasn't so bad.  I could totally do that again."  Well folks, I don't think, even if that happens, we will do this again, unless forced.  Jonny is making plans to divorce the Army.  And momma's quite happy about that.

So it's Friday night.  The song "Another Saturday night, and I ain't got nobody.  I got some money cuz I just got paid.  Oh how I wish I had someone to talk to.  I'm in an awful way," keeps coming to my mind.  Yes, I realize it's Friday.  I can't help what song pops in my head.  I baked an apple pie tonight.  Now that is a whole lotta fun for one Friday night you might say.  No, no I think just the right amount.  It smells so good.  I will have me a piece once finished updating my blog.

Jacob has been such a stinker lately, but an oh so cute stinker.  He is climbing and throwing and headbutting his way into the terrible twos.  Every morning I say, now let's not skip ahead son...save some for daddy. :)  He has been repeating things like crazy.  I say a word, he repeats it.  It is stinkin' cute.  And he gives me hugs.  Just out of the blue, he comes up and hugs me, with his hands around my back.  I can feel his little hands patting me on the back when he does it too.  Goodness kids know how to melt your heart....and then headbutt your nose so hard you have to check for bleeding.

Tonight I felt like I was on the funny farm while I was cooking supper.  I cut my finger, dropped crescent roll dough into the barbecue sauce, let a pan overflow all over the stove top, and managed to break a can opener that I payed $20 for just the other day.  All the while, Jacob is screaming at the kitchen gate because he's hungry "aaaaaaaahhhhh, ah, ah, eeeeeeeee."  And he throws things over the gate at me when he is mad too.  Where's Ashton when you need him.....

The new way to eat an orange.  I mean, who wants sticky hands?

I love brushing my teeth.

Me and Mama